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Divorce: Is it the answer?

Do you want a divorce, but you're not sure if it's the right decision? Does your partner want a divorce, leaving you feeling powerless? Or, do you only want a divorce because your marriage isn't working? According to Bruce Derman, licensed clinical psychologist, and Wendy Gregson, LMFT, most people facing divorce fall into one of these three categories.

In their experience working with couples, regardless of how they come to divorce, those who prepare themselves by asking self-searching questions are more likely to have a collaborative, amicable divorce. Whether you are considering divorce or your spouse has let you know that he or she wants to end the marriage, it is important to try not to let emotions drive your actions right now. Start by addressing the following questions:

  1. Do you still have feelings for your spouse?
    If you do, you may want to consider working on your relationship before pursuing divorce. 
  2. Were you ever an "us" or a "we?"
    If not, it's time to admit that you have never really had a marriage. 
  3. Are you truly ready or are you just threatening?
    Many people threaten divorce out of anger or to gain power. Consider whether you are truly ready. 
  4. Is this decision based on emotions or self-awareness?
    The decision should be an unemotional one that stands the test of time. 
  5. Why do you want a divorce?
    Divorce should not be used to make your spouse change or to get revenge. 
  6. Are you internally conflicted over the divorce?
    If you feel guilty, confused, betrayed or otherwise conflicted, address those feelings. 
  7. Can you handle the negative aspects and challenges of divorce?
    Think about your kids, finances, lifestyle and having to make a new start on your own. 
  8. Can you be responsible and mature throughout the process? 
    Your attitude will determine the type of divorce you have.

Read more and consider your responses to the eight questions in Derman's and Gregson's article.

If you are ready to take the next step toward divorce, our lawyers at the Bakersfield Law Office of Michael L. Seidman can help you. We are focused on resolving your problems while minimizing the emotional and financial impact on your life.

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