When you and your spouse got divorced, you probably said that you wanted to move on. Maybe you smiled and said it to your parents or maybe you shook your head and said it over a drink with your friends. You knew it was crucial for you to move forward and that’s what you wanted.
Now, though, you feel like you’re not moving forward at all. Your divorce is miring you down. What could be holding you back?
1. You’re forgetting to take care of yourself.
This often happens when people have children and get divorced. Your responsibilities with them change and shift. It can take a lot of time and energy. Naturally, you need to provide for your kids’ needs and put them first, but don’t forget to take time for yourself. Eat right, get exercise, and stay involved in hobbies that you love. To really move on, you have to be happy being you.
2. You’re not forgiving your ex.
This doesn’t mean either one of you did anything wrong, per se, like cheating on the other. But it can be hard to let go and forgive after a divorce. You’re mad, you embrace that pain, and it eats you up inside.
There are a few problems here. One is that it can become obsessive, where you can think about nothing else. Even if you were wronged and these feelings are fair, that’s not a healthy way to live. The other problem is that you’re clinging to the past. You have to think about the future, instead, putting that energy into making it what you want it to be.
3. You can’t get your mind around a new future.
If you’re a planner, you probably thought out a lot of what you wanted from life. You expected, at some point – even if it was very early in the marriage – to grow old together. You thought about places you’d travel, things you’d do, and the family you’d create. Now that you know that future isn’t going to happen, it can take some time to get your mind around the idea of a new future with new goals, new people, and new events.
4. You’re too isolated.
It may not feel right to start dating again. You may not feel like you have any friends if they were all really your spouse’s friends and you were just there by association. It may be awkward to talk about the divorce with your own friends or family members.
There are a lot of reasons people isolate themselves after a divorce, but the end result is often the same. When you’re just by yourself – this is especially true if you didn’t get custody of the kids – it makes it harder to see the future and not to become obsessed with the past. As noted above, this keeps you from moving forward.
No matter where you are in this process, a dedicated family law firm can help you move on. They can assist with child custody, support, asset division, and everything else that goes along with a divorce. The goal is to help you easily step into this new stage in your life, making the most out of the situation and moving forward to create the life you’ve always wanted for yourself.
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