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Kern County Family Law Blog

How to move on after a divorce

Those who are beginning to come to terms with the fact that a divorce is in the cards may feel heartbroken, hopeless and deflated. In today's world of picture-perfect posts on social media, many people feel that they need to project the image of a perfect life. Having to tell family, friends and acquaintances that they are going through a divorce can make them feel embarrassed or ashamed.

It is important to remember that, while you may not be in control of what happens to you, you are always in control of how you react to the situations that present themselves. You could choose to react to divorce by interpreting it as a sign that you have failed, or you could view it as the perfect opportunity to reinvent yourself and live the life you've always wanted. The following are some tips for moving on positively after a divorce.

How are virtual visits useful in child custody?

Child custody plans come with a parenting time schedule that enables each parent to have time with their children. While the schedule might work most of the time, there are instances in which the parent who should have the children might not be able to have them at that scheduled interval.

This can occur if the parent is on deployment for the military or if the parent or child is ill with a contagious illness. When this occurs, it's easy to become upset about missing the interaction, but there is an option that many parents find useful for these situations – virtual visits.

Your divorce can give you a positive fresh start in life

An unexpected divorce can make it feel as though your entire world is crashing down around you. The stability you've counted on is gone. The person you've loved for so long is walking away. While it is easy to get drawn up into the emotional welter, you need to take a step back and look at the entire situation before you make any decisions.

It might be tempting to beg your spouse to stay in the marriage, but this likely isn't going to do any good. One of the first things that you must do is to accept that they are ready to move on. If they've filed for divorce, they've already checked out of the marriage. It isn't going to be easy, and you're going to deal with grief and other difficult emotions. Just remember, this is a fresh start for you so now's the time to work toward the best one possible.

Shared parenting provides benefits for everyone involved

Trying to raise your children after you divorce their other parent is a challenging situation. Not only do you have to figure out how to navigate through the child custody agreement terms, you also have to determine how you can build a meaningful relationship with the child in less time than you had before.

Many parents opt for a shared parenting model, which means that each parent spends approximately the same time with the children. This enables the children to reap benefits, and it also helps both parents.

Points to remember when asking for a divorce

For some people, the end of a marriage is a decision based on one spouse's wishes and needs. The issue that comes up sometimes is that one spouse doesn't want to divorce. This adds more strain to a situation that's already stressful. Coming up with a plan can help you to try to avoid setting the stage for a contentious divorce.

One of the most important things is to try to determine how your spouse is going to react to the news that you want a divorce. If you think there is a chance that things will not go well at all, you should try to let them know when there is someone around who can keep things on track and monitor the situation.

Don't stay stuck in the divorce rut

A problem that many divorcing spouses experience is struggling to move on after the divorce is finalized. This does not necessarily mean moving on to another romantic partner, but just getting on with the typical activities of life.

Face it — a messy divorce can knock the stuffing out of even the strongest individuals. This is especially true when long-married couples divorce or in any marriage when one spouse doesn't want to end the union. Below are some suggestions to help those who are stuck learn to move on.

What is a military family care plan?

Single parents in the military and families in which both parents serve must have a family care plan on file with their current commanding officer. This plan outlines what is going to happen with minor children, as well as special needs individuals who are cared for by the service member.

This care plan has to include specific points. Once you have it all set, your commanding officer must approve it. You then have to update or recertify it at least annually. Remember, the family care plan only goes into effect if you aren't able to care for the children because of your military duties, including deployments, training, drills and mobilizations.

Guidelines for children's medical care after your divorce

Child custody orders cover a variety of situations. One thing usually covered between the child custody and child support orders is the child's health care. It is imperative that you understand what each person's responsibilities are for this area of care.

It can be a challenge to get health care matters figured out when they span two homes. You and your ex will likely have to work as a team to make this happen. This isn't an area where either parent should keep the other parent in the dark. Instead, both should know exactly what is going on so that everyone is on the same page.

Depression can impact your ability to handle custody matters

Navigating the world of child custody is challenging. If you are suffering from any chronic mental health condition, such as depression, you might find that there are times when things get so stressful that you wonder how you are going to make it through it all.

There are two components of child custody that can often prove difficult – living as a single parent and having to communicate with your ex. In order for you to avoid going down the dark hole of depression, you have to make decisions now about how you will arrange your new parenting arrangement.

Children's reactions to divorce may depend on age

As you move toward divorce, you turn your attention to the kids. You have read about how hard divorce can be on children, and you'd like to shield them from that.

This mindset carries over into the divorce itself. You resolve to work with your ex to come up with a parenting plan that really puts the children first. You put their needs ahead of your own. However, you also realize that this process needs to start before you even officially split up. It needs to begin in the home, as you move closer to the end of your marriage.

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From divorce to domestic violence claims, you maximize your chance for a better outcome if you involve a lawyer sooner rather than later. At the Bakersfield Law Office of Michael L. Seidman, our lawyers are ready to take action to resolve problems, while minimizing the emotional and financial impact on your life.

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