A problem that many divorcing spouses experience is struggling to move on after the divorce is finalized. This does not necessarily mean moving on to another romantic partner, but just getting on with the typical activities of life.
Face it — a messy divorce can knock the stuffing out of even the strongest individuals. This is especially true when long-married couples divorce or in any marriage when one spouse doesn't want to end the union. Below are some suggestions to help those who are stuck learn to move on.
Don't let your emotions overwhelm you
You might want to collapse into a sobbing heap — and there is healing in tears, to be sure — but that is not the healthiest way to process your loss. Grieve the loss, yes, but be prepared to grow from the experience and take that knowledge and growth and put it to good use.
Learn from your mistakes
Whatever caused the downfall of your marriage, whether it was infidelity on your or your spouse's part or just a slow drifting away from the relationship, there are lessons to be learned from its demise. It is a rare situation indeed where only one party is solely responsible for a marriage breaking up. Examine the fallout and see where you can do better going forward.
Dodge the drama
In the midst of a divorce with emotions running high on both sides, it can be nearly impossible to be objective about the matters at hand. But once things settle down a bit, you can look at the situation with a new perspective.
Approach contentious issues logically instead of leading with your bruised emotions. If your ex is asking for extra time with the kids while the extended family is visiting, consider letting them stay over an extra night or two to spend time with family. In the end, the kids will appreciate the concessions you make to allow them to keep strong bonds with their family members.
Work on what you can control
In a divorce, as in life, there will be things that you can simply not control. When your ex starts dating is one of them. Yes, it can be extremely painful to realize how quickly they have moved on, but that is no longer within your realm of control.
You can, however, object to an ex who exposes the kids to a steady stream of dates and overnight visitors when the kids are with them. Your Bakersfield family law attorney can assist you with drafting a custody agreement that deals with when it is appropriate to introduce new paramours to the kids.